god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
