the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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