i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
