You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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