just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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