walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
