We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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