he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
