I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
