my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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