Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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