I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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