My hand turned me down
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
