Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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