i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
