Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
