how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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