i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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