I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
