I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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