My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
