Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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