Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize