I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
