Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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