Umm I'm too high to move.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
