I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
