I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
