I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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