I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
