just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
