Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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