pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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