While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
