Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
