I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My penis needs a shock collar
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
