Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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