Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
