Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
