so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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