My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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