Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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