The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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