if you like me you must not know who I am
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
