We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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