Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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