It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
