What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry about my life...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
