My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
vagina is talking i cant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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