Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
