I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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