haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
