Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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