You just made me feel so damn special
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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