she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
